Choisauce versus Binary Tastebuds at El Tepeyac Cafe.
Loser has to pay for dinner at Rivera.
9-27-2009 at 12:00 PM PST.
Be there and watch me puke guacamole as I try to beat her.
September 14, 2009
September 3, 2009
Come Sweet Euphoria
A post?! A post. But do not get used to this since this is a fluke and this blog will return to its peaceful slumber the moment I hit the “post” button. What is all the hubbub about then? Well, this is probably the easiest way to convey my experience today with a gangbang followed by pouring a sweet liquid on a taco. Needless to say those bitches were ravaged by me but during the sexy time I may have said something to anger them because shit was quickly thrown into the equation. Do not judge me!
Before we get into the details there is a little bit of a back story to be told to prevent all of you from thinking I am a disgusting human being. Last night I had the pleasure of dining with Sonja of Active Foodie, Christine of Choi Sauce, Esther of EstarLA, Will from Food Digger, Mike of Pepsi Monster, Sam from LAist, and H.C. of LA-OC-foodie at Bistro LQ which was a surprising meal for reasons I will not get into but the people who were listed probably will so check them out when you have a chance.
Before we get into the details there is a little bit of a back story to be told to prevent all of you from thinking I am a disgusting human being. Last night I had the pleasure of dining with Sonja of Active Foodie, Christine of Choi Sauce, Esther of EstarLA, Will from Food Digger, Mike of Pepsi Monster, Sam from LAist, and H.C. of LA-OC-foodie at Bistro LQ which was a surprising meal for reasons I will not get into but the people who were listed probably will so check them out when you have a chance.
Back to the story, Christine was talking about God knows what and I overheard Jack in the Box tacos with sweet and sour sauce. Your brain had to do a double take with that, right? Okay, slow down and think reread what I typed. Hell, say it allowed, “Jack in the Box tacos with sweet and sour sauce.” If your first thought was, “That sounds kinda good,” then you are a disgusting human being but if your brain is like mine you probably thought, “That will ruin my day.” Inadvertently, I made a disgusted face coupled with a you are crazy face leading to Christine shouting out, “Don’t make that face at me! You don’t even know me and you’re making that face!” Sorry, Christine, but you caught me off guard.
If this was a scene in a movie you would know what comes next; she suggests I try the tacos out. Okay, I am game for that because tacos and sweet and sour sauce really cannot be as silly as it may sound. However, I did have to go back on my word of having them for breakfast because shitting your pants early in the morning can put a cramp in your work day leaving me to wait for lunch. Sorry x 2.
Time passes by and then I have mail suggesting I do the “California McGangbang” as well. For those who are unaware of the thisiswhyyourefat.com from months ago you can read up on it from Christine because she did the write up allowing me to remain lazy. I am no stranger to random heaps of food so why not?
Time passes by and then I have mail suggesting I do the “California McGangbang” as well. For those who are unaware of the thisiswhyyourefat.com from months ago you can read up on it from Christine because she did the write up allowing me to remain lazy. I am no stranger to random heaps of food so why not?
I begin to actively seek out my co workers to see who has the gastro-fortitude to withstand the high-cal adventure. Naturally, everyone looks at me like I am crazy AND a disgusting human being, but one agrees to be my witness in case my heart stops and I die on the table. Man Dies From McGangbang! News at 7!
Lunch time arrived and we sped our way to McDonalds and I ordered my meal with a tablespoon of excitement, a pinch of insanity, and half a cup of I am a lard ass.
Lunch time arrived and we sped our way to McDonalds and I ordered my meal with a tablespoon of excitement, a pinch of insanity, and half a cup of I am a lard ass.
The components of a Cali McGangbang (McChicken, McDouble, small fries, and ketchup). Note: I just noticed Christine used a double cheeseburger and NOT a McDouble. Shit.
Witness the construction of the gangbang! Note: All fries were used in the gangbang and the ketchup was used as an adhesive. Also, lots of staring by onlookers as I play jenga on the burger.
Witness the construction of the gangbang! Note: All fries were used in the gangbang and the ketchup was used as an adhesive. Also, lots of staring by onlookers as I play jenga on the burger.
The diabolical/delectable (you decide) creation has been constructed! Compacted in order to fit in my mouth and small fries bag used as size reference.
Half a bang.
How apt.
Binary Rating for the California McGangbang - 1 but only if you are a fat ass. All others need not apply.
Now for what started this mini-adventure: Jack in the Box tacos with sweet and sour sauce.
"May I have 2 tacos and some sweet and sour sauce on the side?"
Binary Rating for Jack in the Box taco with sweet and sour sauce - 0
Well, how did it taste? Not too shabby but the way it goes down is painful. If you are a huge Simpsons fan you may remember the episode where Homer took 10 pounds of spaghetti and compacted all of it into a bar the size of two granola bars. I empathized with his pain as I felt my arteries slowly clogging. The beef patties are prevalent, so are the fries and ketchup but the chicken has completely been eclipsed by the not so subtle flavors. You can think of it as beef and potatoes over pasta shells mixed with a little trashy-ness as you pour ketchup on top. You know the pasta is there but like the chicken you will not be tasting it unless you stop to think about it. Overall, the California McGangbang is a great way to fill yourself up for a little over 3 dollars but be warned your lifespan will be shortened greatly.
Binary Rating for the California McGangbang - 1 but only if you are a fat ass. All others need not apply.
Now for what started this mini-adventure: Jack in the Box tacos with sweet and sour sauce.
"May I have 2 tacos and some sweet and sour sauce on the side?"
The cashier blinks. She blinks again. It's just sweet and sour sauce, lady! At least, I am not asking for your teriyaki sauce or ranch! I receive my tacos and sweet and sour and plop down at the nearest table to continue this unholy unity. I pour roughly half of the container's contents into my taco, let out a sigh, and take a bite. A sweet taco. A sweet Jack in the Box taco was all it really was. Neither vile or sublime just a sugary taco. Okay, I can see the appeal for the combination. If this was anywhere else less notable than a giant food chain I would go into detail but for the sake of laziness I will assume you have had a taco from Jack in the Box.
Binary Rating for Jack in the Box taco with sweet and sour sauce - 0
0b110011011: Generally, this section contains my concluding remarks of an establishment and the wares they peddle but with both restaurants being super food chains I will abstain from any remarks. Today this will be the too much information section. The California McGangbang was incredibly filling and a bit too much bad food for me leaving me with the desire to upchuck the contents. Maybe I ate too fast. Maybe there was not enough room after the previous night's tasting menu. Maybe I should not have had that large iced coffee. Maybe my body was rejecting the cursed merger of grease and soul. Regardless of the reason my stomach was not happy. Couple the gangbang with the greasiest and nastiest tacos around (I have not had Jack in the Box tacos for 7-8 years) and you now have a science experiment gone terribly wrong. I had to cut my lunch short and race back to work lest I go home early against my will. Well, I will spare you the rest but great relief was found from a white porcelain bowl. Yay for not shitting myself.
January 25, 2009
Adventures in Washington DC: Ray's the Classics
Disclaimer: Sadly, there is no food porn here or accurate retellings of what was eaten because I was lazy and was banking on a website to use. The lesson of the day is: write down everything verbatim and do not rely on camera phones to yield proper pictures. Feel free to skip this entry if you are seeking an informative entry because there is a lot more fluff than usual in this one. Also, if you are underage, then go to H.C.'s blog because I hear he gives out his number to the young-uns. One more thing, who needs editing and proof reading? Not I says I! Forgive me for butchering the English language.
Many moons ago Prometheus descended upon the land and bestowed mankind with sacred fire to keep man warm from the frigid cold. There was a slight problem with this though; man kept warm by coupling with others and when the sacred fire illuminated the darkness man was now able to see who he was coupling with. This sparked outrage among some, embarrassment for others, and some plain ol' suicide after witnessing who/what they were coupling with. The sparks of chaos were lit and Prometheus was filled with horror to the ghastly nature of his beloved creations. Cursing his brother, Epimetheus, for using all of the good gifts and forcing him to steal the sacred fire, Prometheus grabbed a nearby cow and hurtled the beast at the fire. Like a tomato at La Tomatina the cow burst upon impact causing a shower of embers and entrails to rain down.
Yet, a large portion of the carcass remained in the fire whereupon a curious man began to prod and poke the meat. Feeling a little more ambitious, the man used his stick to rip out a small chunk of the cooked flesh and bit into it. Immediately, he spat the meat out and with tears in his eyes cursed the sacred fire for the pain it had brought him. He tossed the chunk to the ground and went off in search of water for the burning in his mouth. A young boy witnessed the incident and scurried to the now cooled meat and took a bite. Before the boy could crack a smile he ran off to gather people to haul the remains from the fire and before you knew it everyone was feasting on the cow. People rejoiced for the sweet meat and no longer having to upchuck from the amount of blood they would digest from eating raw beef. They praised Prometheus and the sacred fire for giving them steak. Seeing his creations placated by his foresight to throw the beast into the fire; Prometheus gave himself a small pat on the back and set off to return to Mount Olympus where he was about to be treated like a prison inmate by Zeus.
Ray’s the Classics is owned by Michael Landrum who owns Ray’s Hell-Burgers and Ray’s the Steak. Without getting too much into details about the history of Ray’s the Classics the gist is Michael Landrum wished to create a decent steakhouse at more affordable prices while leaving the pretentious nature of fancier steakhouses. A combination between a high end steakhouse with the no fuss nature of say, Sizzler. You have a moderate selection of wine, a full bar, and a variety of meat to choose from to satisfy the lurking carnivore demons residing in us all.
Crappy lemon water Sidecar - One of the great aperitifs for any meal and a testament to the mixologist's abilities of knowing how to perfectly balance strong, sour, and sweet. Served up, sugar rim albeit not powdered, lemon wedge; everything checked out. Now, as to how it tasted, well... This particular sidecar lacked the zesty citrus zip from lemon juice and cointreau leaving me with this bland lemon water reminiscent of Propel, but I actually like Propel. The presence of the main ingredient was weak (brandy was most likely used) which leaves us with this deduced breakdown: ½ oz. brandy, ¼ cointreau, ¼ oz lemon juice, 2 oz tap water.
Binary Rating - 0
Mystery Wine - Nothing memorable and lacked the fullness I was seeking when I order wine with steak. Oh well. I promise I will record things properly for Akasha!
Binary Rating - 0
Crab Bisque - Hype. All of us have heard it from dental floss to movies. People abuzz about this and that and as you read/listen to what others say you slowly become excited too. Several days pass by and you have wound yourself into a tizzy where if you do not see, eat, drink, touch, do whatever it is hyped up about you will explode but hark, you have found time! Huzzah! However, like many hyped up things there are no fairy tale endings and the crab bisque was no exception. Rich, creamy, taste of the sea, chunks of crab, and a tinge of sherry; all the proper attributes for crab bisque but something was amiss. The finish yielded an odd spicy/herby taste and the oil floating about looked as if Mars formed lakes on its surface. Still though, these two elements are not enough to detract from a 1 rating but I am unable to articulate why the crab bisque failed to meet the 1 rating criteria. Solution: try the crab bisque yourself.
Binary Rating – 0 with the potential for a 1 if I can figure out why.
Applewood Bacon Slabs with Sauerkraut - A thin film of sweat was developing across my forehead, my palms were becoming uncomfortably moist, my breathing; labored and unsteady, the crotch of my pants...Well, you get the picture. Did I read this right? Slabs of bacon? WHAT?! This was not a trick, right? RIGHT?! I asked Eri, who was totally clueless, and had to ask our server (who I could have sworn had B.O. that night) if I came to the Promised Land. He confirmed the Applewood Bacon Slabs were indeed slabs of bacon. Whoa. The hamster on the wheel in my head is running double time trying to come up with permutations as to how the bacon slabs will come out because I, like many of you, am accustomed to the thin (usually) crispy slices. Does this mean we will be served thick crispy slabs? Screw it, give me the slabs!
Me: "That's bacon?"
Eri: "I think that's bacon."
Me: "Oh. My. God. That is some good fucking bacon."
Making a meal out of this instead of the steak began to sound like a good idea but I was there for the steak and will have to wait another day to say, “Hi, I would like 3 orders of your bacon slabs.” Each slab was around 7-9 bacon slices thick and had a more sausage-like feel. Think bratwurst or kielbasa in terms of thickness and consistency. Unlike a applewood bacon slice where you have the distinct fried pork belly taste with a hint of sweetness, these savory bites were sweet as if the bacon was caramelized. With each bite my brain said, “Ooh” as the fat secreted sugary pork love juice in my mouth, as the supple meat gingerly broke apart between my molars, and as the sauerkraut provided a faint tart crunch.
To quote The Simpsons, “It’s like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone’s invited.” Though sadly, said invitee was a pig. Disturbing.
Binary Rating - 1 Oh, God, yes. 1.
Sidekick Cowboy Steak 26 oz. with bone (medium rare) – If you are around me enough you will discover one phrase I use often is, "Surprise me." There are times when the surprises are a letdown, disastrous, insult inducing, or majestic. When our server brought the steaks to the table there was a large disparity in size between mine and theirs. Mouths agape at the monstrosity laid before me we inquired as to which specimen this was to which our server replied with, “The sidekick cowboy steak. The smaller one.” Smaller one? This behemoth took up almost all of the real estate on the plate! Damn my favorite phrase!
Before diving in to the belly buster an inspection was needed. Char was decent but was uneven and was the first clue to how my steak would look and taste on the inside. Fat was fairly minimal and on a 26 oz. steak it would be difficult to imagine a leaner piece of meat without considerable dry-aging. A slight annoyance was the sight of the pistachio-napoleon-ice creamesqe chemical color from oxidation. No harm, no foul but preferably a problem that could be remedied in the future.
Cutting away the first piece revealed a lovely shade of pink and the first bite was pure bliss. The carnivore demons were being appeased by piece after piece of tender beef goodness. I was beginning to see the appeal of the Ray’s chain; quality steak at affordable prices, no ifs, ands, or buts. When I was nearly convinced on the level of quality cow, I hit a but. My beloved juicy pink center was gone and many of you know if the pink center is gone and dry, then you have a problem. However, unlike certain medical conditions where the remedy is love in a bottle, you cannot reverse the condition of a overcooked piece of steak. The further away from the edges the dryer and more cooked the meat became with the progression of medium rare, medium, medium well. Incredibly disappointing but having never had half a cow before I will give Ray’s a break because a steak that large is difficult to cook with proper results. I think.
Binary Rating - 0
Free Mashed Potatos & Creamed Spinach - Well, they are free? They are edible? They did not give me food poisoning? I am unsure if I can even review free food stuffs (unless, they are normally not free) since, you know, they are free. Then again, they come with the meal meaning they are not free but more like a bonus? Dilemma!
Remember those movies where a poor family/child/person/furry would extend their dirt caked hand out holding a busted-rusted-crusted-plate/cup/bowl out for a scoop of grey slop? These side dishes were quite similar in how I would imagine grey slop from a giant black cauldron to be.
The creamed spinach lacked flavor, any type of flavor, really. There are many ways to make creamed spinach with everyone tossing in their own little ingredient(s) to enhance the flavor to suit their personal taste and as to how this version was prepared I am unsure. The heavy cream and butter was visible but lacked the thick viscosity one expects but had a more runny-watery feel to it. Maybe the chef skipped on the heavy cream and used skim milk instead for a healthier alternative. Onions, salt, nutmeg, and pepper all seemed to be absent and if they were used they were used sparingly leaving the spinach to be neutral in flavor. Adding to the possibility of the skim milk theory was the possibility the spinach may have been over boiled leading to the exodus of spinach essence.
Have you ever fubar’d instant mashed potatoes? If you have, then most likely they came out watery and lacking the smooth fluffiness we seek when making mashed taters. Think back to kindergarten during arts and crafts time. Now, take the jar of paste and scoop the contents into a medium bowl. Add a quarter glass of water to the bowl and begin to stir until the water has fully been absorbed by the paste. Grab a glue stick and slice into chunks and add them to the bowl. Voila! You have mashed potatoes ala Ray’s the Classics style. I do have to extend some credit to the chef because the potatoes at least tasted like potatoes unlike the creamed spinach.
Binary Rating - N/A because they came with the meal but really, 0.
0b110011011: Being a Californian, the spectrum of steakhouses goes from Sizzlers, Outback Steakhouse, and Black Angus to Pacific Dining Car, Mastro's, and Cut which translates to the super shitty to the pretentious elite. I have yet to go to a steakhouse in Socal which falls under a happy medium between the two and if I had to say it Ray's the Classics falls under the medium part but without the happiness. No, that is not true because people can easily enjoy the food offerings here since they tower above the lower alternatives while saving their wallets from losing too much weight like the higher alternatives. For those searching for a great piece of meat under $30 this is the place to do it but for those seeking a overall experience you may want to look elsewhere. Also, do not ask to be surprised unless you are starving. Otherwise, you might end up with the larger version of the sidekick, 31-32 oz, you fatty.
Binary Rating of Ray's the Classics – 0
Ray’s the Classics
8606 Colesville Rd.
Silver Spring, MD 20910
301-588-7297
January 18, 2009
Adventures in Washington DC: Ray's Hell-Burger
Hi ho! Hi ho! It’s off to eat we go! We eat eat eat eat eat eat eat in holes in the wall the whole day through! Hi ho! Hi ho! Hi ho! Hi ho! Hi ho! There is a special place in my heart for hole-in-the-wall joints because I rarely come across one whose wares fall under the mediocre category but more along the lines of sitting on the pot all day the next day or a new hidden gem. Think about all of the places you pass by on your way to work and how many of them fall under the radar because they lack a glitzy sign or even a glitzy sign at all. A few of my favorite watering holes have nothing more than the neon “cocktails” sign above their door or have a sign that has nothing to do with the establishment at all. Ray’s Hell Burgers is an interesting beast because there is no sign and the only way you would ever know about the establishment is if someone told you or you read the simple 8.5” x 11” piece of paper posted on the windows of Ray’s the Steaks. Other than the white paper on the window of Ray’s there is nothing to denote the existence of Ray’s Hell Burgers except for maybe the group of people waiting outside or the line of cars waiting to take someone’s spot the moment they leave. Note on the parking: parking is worse than Silverlake and almost as bad as campus parking at UCLA/Westwood.
Their menu is broken down into 5 categories: burger style, the temperature the patty will be cooked at, special luxurious toppings, type of cheese, and their free toppings which by no means are the standard fare you would find at a typical burger joint. I am reminded of a quote from, You’ve Got Mail, when Tom Hanks is giving a monologue at Starbucks, “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.” For those who still do not know what the hell they are doing, Ray’s has done some of the leg work for them by offering 10 different styles to choose from in hopes of piquing the indecisive person’s interest. If all of this fails there is a nearby McDonalds ready to give such a person a Happy Meal.
Click on the pictures below to see an enlarged version of the menu (sorry about the paper being crumpled):
With the first bite I could feel the inner Cro-Magnon dancing for joy as he was able to feast on some of man’s favorite foodstuffs: bacon, ham, and a patty of ground beef all at the same time! There are only a few things that could have made this better: sausage, another patty (hey, Eri, am I allowed to order it with two patties?), and pork rinds. I am joking about the pork rinds. Maybe. A possible new topping?! Or maybe Hot Cheetos! They make me crazy! If any of you know where that quote is from without googling I will buy you a beer. Back to your locally scheduled program. With each sumptuous bite, beef juices, guacamole, and cheese were leaking out causing a mess all over my hands, face, and plate but I could not be bothered to pause and clean myself when such a goddess was presented to me. All I could do was ravage the burger and to be honest, I do not think I uttered a single word to my friends as we were eating our meal. Possibly a grunt or two but that may have been directed toward the burger and not them. Can either of you verify this for me?
The guacamole was not bad but it was not the best either. The consistency was not as thick as I would like from my guacamole but I may be spoiled from living in the land of avocados and Mexican food. However, I did not have to wonder if it was some odd green goo found within the tiny spaces between a radiator and the wall tasting similar to but not unlike guacamole. A grade above being mediocre, perhaps?
The bacon was not fried to where it turned into a potato chip and neither was it a soggy overcooked noodle. The problem with my observation lies with the Epoisses de Bourgogne being a powerful cheese and if you read the Wikipedia article linked earlier you will understand how powerful. Though the cheese was a wonderful treat and a fantastic way to mix up the everyday hamburger it may have been too much for this particular one where the presence of the bacon was known mentally as opposed to physically tasting the salty-fatty goodness. Not a bad thing and if I were to order the burger again I would probably have more bacon added to balance out the cheese. The problem with the bacon was present with the ham, but ham has a distinct taste and tends to go well with cheese. The ham was sweet and had a slight bite proving to be a decent slice of pig and worth the premium $1.50 even though the overall taste was masked by the cheese. Considering the plethora of flavors going on I was impressed with the chipotle marinade and HECK SAUCE coming through yielding a slight spicy zest at the end of each bite.
The aged 10 oz. patty was probably the best cylindrical slab of ground beef I have ever had comparing to In-N-Out’s patties prepared medium-rare. The quality of the beef is easily seen and tasted even by Eri and myself who were both afflicted by colds. These were not your frozen Frisbees found at your local Costco or Sam’s Club, nor were they the overly chewy kind you would get from Chili’s. These were In-N-Out (yes, I know there are quite a few other places with better burgers than In-N-Out but not everyone will know what the ef I am referring to if I do that) grade patties but taken to the umpteenth level. Okay, again some hyperbole, but Ray’s Hell Burgers is a definite place one may call a routine burger stop.
0b110011011 – I love burgers in all of the many combinations they come in: from the 29 cent hamburgers at McDonald’s, the everyday happenings at In n Out, to the nazi-like burgers at Father’s Office. If Ray’s Hell-Burger made a branch out in LA I would gladly fight the parking situation, the lines, and the table wait to once more sink my teeth in to a novelty creation. Would I do this sort of thing often? Probably not due to the burger coming out to be near $20 but Ray’s would definitely be on my mind all of the time as my stomach debates if it would be happier with a $20 gourmet burger or a brownish-grey patty from the local mom and pop joint. Now, if only Ray’s Hell-Burger would serve some damn fries or onion rings could I be truly happy with this place. However, do not let the lack of sides stop you because if you are out in the Washington DC area you should check out this place. At least, if you can find parking.
Binary Rating of Ray’s Hell-Burger – 1
Their menu is broken down into 5 categories: burger style, the temperature the patty will be cooked at, special luxurious toppings, type of cheese, and their free toppings which by no means are the standard fare you would find at a typical burger joint. I am reminded of a quote from, You’ve Got Mail, when Tom Hanks is giving a monologue at Starbucks, “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.” For those who still do not know what the hell they are doing, Ray’s has done some of the leg work for them by offering 10 different styles to choose from in hopes of piquing the indecisive person’s interest. If all of this fails there is a nearby McDonalds ready to give such a person a Happy Meal.
Click on the pictures below to see an enlarged version of the menu (sorry about the paper being crumpled):
With the first bite I could feel the inner Cro-Magnon dancing for joy as he was able to feast on some of man’s favorite foodstuffs: bacon, ham, and a patty of ground beef all at the same time! There are only a few things that could have made this better: sausage, another patty (hey, Eri, am I allowed to order it with two patties?), and pork rinds. I am joking about the pork rinds. Maybe. A possible new topping?! Or maybe Hot Cheetos! They make me crazy! If any of you know where that quote is from without googling I will buy you a beer. Back to your locally scheduled program. With each sumptuous bite, beef juices, guacamole, and cheese were leaking out causing a mess all over my hands, face, and plate but I could not be bothered to pause and clean myself when such a goddess was presented to me. All I could do was ravage the burger and to be honest, I do not think I uttered a single word to my friends as we were eating our meal. Possibly a grunt or two but that may have been directed toward the burger and not them. Can either of you verify this for me?
The guacamole was not bad but it was not the best either. The consistency was not as thick as I would like from my guacamole but I may be spoiled from living in the land of avocados and Mexican food. However, I did not have to wonder if it was some odd green goo found within the tiny spaces between a radiator and the wall tasting similar to but not unlike guacamole. A grade above being mediocre, perhaps?
The bacon was not fried to where it turned into a potato chip and neither was it a soggy overcooked noodle. The problem with my observation lies with the Epoisses de Bourgogne being a powerful cheese and if you read the Wikipedia article linked earlier you will understand how powerful. Though the cheese was a wonderful treat and a fantastic way to mix up the everyday hamburger it may have been too much for this particular one where the presence of the bacon was known mentally as opposed to physically tasting the salty-fatty goodness. Not a bad thing and if I were to order the burger again I would probably have more bacon added to balance out the cheese. The problem with the bacon was present with the ham, but ham has a distinct taste and tends to go well with cheese. The ham was sweet and had a slight bite proving to be a decent slice of pig and worth the premium $1.50 even though the overall taste was masked by the cheese. Considering the plethora of flavors going on I was impressed with the chipotle marinade and HECK SAUCE coming through yielding a slight spicy zest at the end of each bite.
The aged 10 oz. patty was probably the best cylindrical slab of ground beef I have ever had comparing to In-N-Out’s patties prepared medium-rare. The quality of the beef is easily seen and tasted even by Eri and myself who were both afflicted by colds. These were not your frozen Frisbees found at your local Costco or Sam’s Club, nor were they the overly chewy kind you would get from Chili’s. These were In-N-Out (yes, I know there are quite a few other places with better burgers than In-N-Out but not everyone will know what the ef I am referring to if I do that) grade patties but taken to the umpteenth level. Okay, again some hyperbole, but Ray’s Hell Burgers is a definite place one may call a routine burger stop.
0b110011011 – I love burgers in all of the many combinations they come in: from the 29 cent hamburgers at McDonald’s, the everyday happenings at In n Out, to the nazi-like burgers at Father’s Office. If Ray’s Hell-Burger made a branch out in LA I would gladly fight the parking situation, the lines, and the table wait to once more sink my teeth in to a novelty creation. Would I do this sort of thing often? Probably not due to the burger coming out to be near $20 but Ray’s would definitely be on my mind all of the time as my stomach debates if it would be happier with a $20 gourmet burger or a brownish-grey patty from the local mom and pop joint. Now, if only Ray’s Hell-Burger would serve some damn fries or onion rings could I be truly happy with this place. However, do not let the lack of sides stop you because if you are out in the Washington DC area you should check out this place. At least, if you can find parking.
Binary Rating of Ray’s Hell-Burger – 1
Ray’s Hell-Burger
1713 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, VA 22209
703-841-0001
1713 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, VA 22209
703-841-0001
December 21, 2008
Crush by Chef Adam Sobel at BREADBAR
Greetings, and welcome to Binary Taste Buds, where articulate entries are non-existent and where annoying foodies with my blasé attitude is my goal. Part journal, part critique, all horse feathers. Enjoy!
Tonight, H.C., of the awe-inspiring foodie blog, L.A. & O.C. Foodventures, invited Indie Music Master Supreme, C.N. and I to BREADBAR where they were having a guest chef series with Adam Sobel. I will spare you the details of the establishment and of Adam Sobel; you may find the details you seek and a brief bio of Adam at the BREADBAR website found here.
The theme of the night was, “Full of Bull” which is slightly ironic because there was one beef dish out of the three. Silly. Dinner was originally slated to be a five course prix fixe meal but Adam Sobel used all of the ingredients the previous night by serving the patrons a ten course prix fixe meal leaving us with this particular menu instead:
The original – thinly shaved 24 hour slow-roasted beef with famous FOB sauce
The fish & chips – our fish is fresh and our batter is Guinness, with shredded lettuce, tartar sauce, cheddar
The no bull – slow roasted honey-black pepper glazed turkey breast with garlic mashed potato, crispy turkey skin
Hand-cut steak fries
Vanilla Float with your choice of root beer, orange soda or cream soda
By the bye, as to why the menu was changed from the five courses to sandwiches and fries I do not know and was being a jerk off in the previous paragraph. Whether this was the original intention or maybe Adam Sobel enjoys messing with young impressionable minds. Now with all of the jibber jabber out of the way we may begin the dissection of the food done through the tongue of a plebian.
Now, what is dinner without some sort of liquid bacteria waste to compliment the meal? H.C. brought a bottle of Blanquette de Limoux Brut 2005 and capitalized on the lack of a corkage fee. The flavor and feel in layman’s terms would be to put club soda in your mouth, add a slice of green apple, and a few candied lemon drops. Now chew, swish, swallow, and place a Bounty ©quilted paper towel on your tongue allowing it to remove all moisture from your tongue. You have now had a glass of Blanquette de Limoux Brut 2005. However, do not misunderstand me as the wine stands as a fantastic aperitif if a bartender is unavailable or you are wary of the bartender’s abilities to make you a sidecar.
The original – With the first bite you take you can feel your inner carnivore smiling. The thin slices were tender and flavorful presenting a beef² feel. The taste did not feel as if the slices were dipped moments before being served leaving one to wonder if the beef was soaked in du jour for the entire 24 hours or was frequently basted Honey, this ain’t no run of the mill The Hat roast beef.
With your taste buds coasting down tasty lane all of a sudden the windshield is hit with FOB sauce and your taste buds can no longer see the road. They swerve left, they swerve right, and then they hit a lump of bread (I am unable to remember the type of bread used but feel free to visit H.C.’s blog where you will find a more comprehensive and accurate description of the meal) causing your taste buds to slam into the divider killing all passengers in a fiery explosion of horseradish, bbq sauce or something reminiscent of it, possibly mayo, and an overt taste of funky bread. Now, forensics is on the scene trying to figure out what the hell happened and why it happened. These were their findings:
If the sauce were to be blended or possibly spread across the buns evenly, then there may not have been a problem. However, each bite into the sandwich gave way to a different taste causing me to wonder if Adam Sobel was attempting to mimic Dr. Pepper’s recent advertisement of its 23 mysterious flavors. One bite would give way to beef and bread, another a slap of concentrated horseradish, another a smidgen of bbq sauce, the next with horseradish and bbq sauce, the list goes on. Mind you these sandwiches were small but with each bite there was a sense of having my taste buds pick a flavor out of a grab bag. Enjoyable to some, odd to others, and downright confusing for myself.
The after taste of the FOB sauce lingered and I attempted to exorcise the demon with a sip of Limoux but I angered him leaving me with a copper taste reminiscent of blood.
Binary rating – 0
The fish & chips – Mc Donalds has had it for decades, Carl’s Jr. sells them for a dollar, and the British have been eating it for god knows how long: the fried fish fillet on a bun. The formula is simple; deep fry a battered fish fillet, add tartar sauce, lettuce if you wish to alleviate the fried food guilt, and place all of these in between two slices of bread. Simple. Yet, like so many L.A. bartenders, a simple formula is botched and you are left wondering if you should stop consuming the product or quickly shovel it down your throat and move on to bigger and better things.
To put things bluntly my taste buds were assaulted the moment the sandwich entered my mouth. No, strike that, Pompeii had erupted and the entire population of cute pink bumps on my tongue were wiped out by a wave of fucked up-ness (this was the poor description written in my notebook during dinner and I am still unable to come up with a better one). Normally, cheese is absent from a fish sandwich but this particular beast had a slice of mild cheddar creating a distinct bite in combination with the tartar sauce. The combination failed allowing everyone to remember cheese has no place in a fish sandwich.
Binary rating – 0
The no bull – How unusual, the turkey is not dry! This feat deserves praise in itself for all too often do I think turkey has a distinct dryness to it and is the reason why I, as well as many others, drench the bird in gravy to offset eating meaty Styrofoam. This bird was sweet, moist, and made me wish Butterball could take a few lessons from Adam instead of creating those slimy slices of sodium. The taste of pepper was incredibly subtle to almost non-existent of which I did not mind because I prefer the sweeter taste for the turkey. The mashed potatoes as the spread was a wonderful touch allowing all who mix their bite of turkey with mashed potatoes, like my 7 year old niece, to rejoice. What set this sandwich apart from your typical turkey sandwich were the bits of fried turkey skin creating a crunch which so many people tend to love when they eat things. Think bacon bits but healthier! Maybe.
Why does this sandwich work as well as it does? Probably because you have Thanksgiving leftovers mixed together without the previous night’s gorging and irritation of having to finish a week’s worth of turkey.
Binary rating – 1
Hand cut steak fries – This part is a little tricky because the style of the fries reminded me of some odd hybrid between well-done In and Out fries and TGIF fries. The In and Out portion comes from the fries being crispy to borderline crunchy while leaving you to wonder where the potato is in the fry and if they somehow found a way to deep fry air. Maybe eating deep fried balloons is exactly like this but with less popping and pain. TGIF has a particular method with their spuds; they want to see how many you can eat before you have to take a drink because you are eating something that is not entirely unlike a salt lick. In the end I felt like I was consuming a salted crunch air puff.
Binary rating – 0
Orange Vanilla Ice Cream Float – Rating the float seems a bit absurd because no one has to put time and effort into making a float if you approach it with a laid back attitude. Pick your pop, add a scoop or two of vanilla ice cream, become a diabetic. Bread Bar used Hank’s orange soda with a scoop of vanilla ice cream generating the creamsicle flavor you would normally expect if you ate sugar free creamsicles, anyways. Perhaps, I am accustomed to the sweetness of Crush and Sunkist soda when I make my own floats so when I began to drink their version I found it to be boring and mild with a lack of an orange bite one would expect from their soda.
Binary rating – N/A due to biased preference and the Limoux messing with my sense of taste.
0b110011011 – How does Adam’s daring attempt of raising the norm to the next level? I cannot imagine eating a large sandwich of any of the 3 I had that night. The ingredients are prime and fresh but the execution was a mess comparable to the L.A. bar scene where “revolutionary” signature drinks tend to be nothing more than simple syrup, cheap vodka, and a liqueur with color.
Binary rating of the Crush event by Chef Adam Sobel - 0
Tonight, H.C., of the awe-inspiring foodie blog, L.A. & O.C. Foodventures, invited Indie Music Master Supreme, C.N. and I to BREADBAR where they were having a guest chef series with Adam Sobel. I will spare you the details of the establishment and of Adam Sobel; you may find the details you seek and a brief bio of Adam at the BREADBAR website found here.
The theme of the night was, “Full of Bull” which is slightly ironic because there was one beef dish out of the three. Silly. Dinner was originally slated to be a five course prix fixe meal but Adam Sobel used all of the ingredients the previous night by serving the patrons a ten course prix fixe meal leaving us with this particular menu instead:
The original – thinly shaved 24 hour slow-roasted beef with famous FOB sauce
The fish & chips – our fish is fresh and our batter is Guinness, with shredded lettuce, tartar sauce, cheddar
The no bull – slow roasted honey-black pepper glazed turkey breast with garlic mashed potato, crispy turkey skin
Hand-cut steak fries
Vanilla Float with your choice of root beer, orange soda or cream soda
By the bye, as to why the menu was changed from the five courses to sandwiches and fries I do not know and was being a jerk off in the previous paragraph. Whether this was the original intention or maybe Adam Sobel enjoys messing with young impressionable minds. Now with all of the jibber jabber out of the way we may begin the dissection of the food done through the tongue of a plebian.
Now, what is dinner without some sort of liquid bacteria waste to compliment the meal? H.C. brought a bottle of Blanquette de Limoux Brut 2005 and capitalized on the lack of a corkage fee. The flavor and feel in layman’s terms would be to put club soda in your mouth, add a slice of green apple, and a few candied lemon drops. Now chew, swish, swallow, and place a Bounty ©quilted paper towel on your tongue allowing it to remove all moisture from your tongue. You have now had a glass of Blanquette de Limoux Brut 2005. However, do not misunderstand me as the wine stands as a fantastic aperitif if a bartender is unavailable or you are wary of the bartender’s abilities to make you a sidecar.
The original – With the first bite you take you can feel your inner carnivore smiling. The thin slices were tender and flavorful presenting a beef² feel. The taste did not feel as if the slices were dipped moments before being served leaving one to wonder if the beef was soaked in du jour for the entire 24 hours or was frequently basted Honey, this ain’t no run of the mill The Hat roast beef.
With your taste buds coasting down tasty lane all of a sudden the windshield is hit with FOB sauce and your taste buds can no longer see the road. They swerve left, they swerve right, and then they hit a lump of bread (I am unable to remember the type of bread used but feel free to visit H.C.’s blog where you will find a more comprehensive and accurate description of the meal) causing your taste buds to slam into the divider killing all passengers in a fiery explosion of horseradish, bbq sauce or something reminiscent of it, possibly mayo, and an overt taste of funky bread. Now, forensics is on the scene trying to figure out what the hell happened and why it happened. These were their findings:
If the sauce were to be blended or possibly spread across the buns evenly, then there may not have been a problem. However, each bite into the sandwich gave way to a different taste causing me to wonder if Adam Sobel was attempting to mimic Dr. Pepper’s recent advertisement of its 23 mysterious flavors. One bite would give way to beef and bread, another a slap of concentrated horseradish, another a smidgen of bbq sauce, the next with horseradish and bbq sauce, the list goes on. Mind you these sandwiches were small but with each bite there was a sense of having my taste buds pick a flavor out of a grab bag. Enjoyable to some, odd to others, and downright confusing for myself.
The after taste of the FOB sauce lingered and I attempted to exorcise the demon with a sip of Limoux but I angered him leaving me with a copper taste reminiscent of blood.
Binary rating – 0
The fish & chips – Mc Donalds has had it for decades, Carl’s Jr. sells them for a dollar, and the British have been eating it for god knows how long: the fried fish fillet on a bun. The formula is simple; deep fry a battered fish fillet, add tartar sauce, lettuce if you wish to alleviate the fried food guilt, and place all of these in between two slices of bread. Simple. Yet, like so many L.A. bartenders, a simple formula is botched and you are left wondering if you should stop consuming the product or quickly shovel it down your throat and move on to bigger and better things.
To put things bluntly my taste buds were assaulted the moment the sandwich entered my mouth. No, strike that, Pompeii had erupted and the entire population of cute pink bumps on my tongue were wiped out by a wave of fucked up-ness (this was the poor description written in my notebook during dinner and I am still unable to come up with a better one). Normally, cheese is absent from a fish sandwich but this particular beast had a slice of mild cheddar creating a distinct bite in combination with the tartar sauce. The combination failed allowing everyone to remember cheese has no place in a fish sandwich.
Binary rating – 0
The no bull – How unusual, the turkey is not dry! This feat deserves praise in itself for all too often do I think turkey has a distinct dryness to it and is the reason why I, as well as many others, drench the bird in gravy to offset eating meaty Styrofoam. This bird was sweet, moist, and made me wish Butterball could take a few lessons from Adam instead of creating those slimy slices of sodium. The taste of pepper was incredibly subtle to almost non-existent of which I did not mind because I prefer the sweeter taste for the turkey. The mashed potatoes as the spread was a wonderful touch allowing all who mix their bite of turkey with mashed potatoes, like my 7 year old niece, to rejoice. What set this sandwich apart from your typical turkey sandwich were the bits of fried turkey skin creating a crunch which so many people tend to love when they eat things. Think bacon bits but healthier! Maybe.
Why does this sandwich work as well as it does? Probably because you have Thanksgiving leftovers mixed together without the previous night’s gorging and irritation of having to finish a week’s worth of turkey.
Binary rating – 1
Hand cut steak fries – This part is a little tricky because the style of the fries reminded me of some odd hybrid between well-done In and Out fries and TGIF fries. The In and Out portion comes from the fries being crispy to borderline crunchy while leaving you to wonder where the potato is in the fry and if they somehow found a way to deep fry air. Maybe eating deep fried balloons is exactly like this but with less popping and pain. TGIF has a particular method with their spuds; they want to see how many you can eat before you have to take a drink because you are eating something that is not entirely unlike a salt lick. In the end I felt like I was consuming a salted crunch air puff.
Binary rating – 0
Orange Vanilla Ice Cream Float – Rating the float seems a bit absurd because no one has to put time and effort into making a float if you approach it with a laid back attitude. Pick your pop, add a scoop or two of vanilla ice cream, become a diabetic. Bread Bar used Hank’s orange soda with a scoop of vanilla ice cream generating the creamsicle flavor you would normally expect if you ate sugar free creamsicles, anyways. Perhaps, I am accustomed to the sweetness of Crush and Sunkist soda when I make my own floats so when I began to drink their version I found it to be boring and mild with a lack of an orange bite one would expect from their soda.
Binary rating – N/A due to biased preference and the Limoux messing with my sense of taste.
0b110011011 – How does Adam’s daring attempt of raising the norm to the next level? I cannot imagine eating a large sandwich of any of the 3 I had that night. The ingredients are prime and fresh but the execution was a mess comparable to the L.A. bar scene where “revolutionary” signature drinks tend to be nothing more than simple syrup, cheap vodka, and a liqueur with color.
Binary rating of the Crush event by Chef Adam Sobel - 0
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